Monday, September 5, 2011

Flash fiction piece

Hi everyone. Today is the first challenge for the Platform Building Campaign. We had to write a flash fiction piece, in 200 words or less and start with the phrase "The door swung open". Added challenges were to hit 200 words on the mark, and end with the phrase "The door swung shut". (I hit it 200 on the mark and ended with ending phrase. CHALLENGE COMPLETE!)

Here is what I wrote.

The door swung open and propelled me into the guy that I had just checked out. I landed smack into him and heard him say “hmrph” as he righted himself.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, feeling the color in my cheeks turn to a cherry shade. He turned around and looked at me, still a little startled. “The door,” I stated, like it explained why I had just barreled into him. He looked passed me at the door, as people continued to push in.

“It happens,” he said and turned back around.

I couldn’t help myself, I looked at his butt again, and by the swivel of his hips, I knew he had turned around. Oh my God, could this be anymore embarrassing?

His smile was wide, “You know I have never had to say ‘Eyes up here,’ to a girl before.”

My cheeks flamed brighter as I looked at him. I opened my mouth like a guppy, a few times. All words in my head refused to form a sentence. I was wrong, this got way more embarrassing than 30 seconds ago.

Without knowing what to do, I headed for the exit. And behind me, the door swung shut.

I actually think I could pop this into one of my novels. I think this is exactly what Ryder would do. :)

Wish me luck!

28 comments:

  1. *LOL* That was fabulous! I love those little embarrassing moments... when they happen to fictional characters. I have roaming eyes myself, so I know how she feels!

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  2. Ahhh, the ever entertaining embarrassing moments. Ha! Your piece made me laugh out loud. ~ Nadja

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  3. Hee hee. You made me lol at the dialogue. Great job!

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  4. Great piece! I think I'm going to include my novel in a piece too, I think it could really work.

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  5. This was funny and cute :) I can totally see myself in this situation!

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  6. Thanks everyone. I always worry when I use humor that no one else is going to think it is remotely funny! I hope you all had/have a great labor day and did NO labor. Good luck with the challenge!

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  7. You definitely shouldn't worry. It's hilarious. I literally LOLed. ;)

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  8. Love the line about him never having to say to a girl, "Eyes up here" - great!!

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  9. Really humorous. I loved his comment. And a really good scene!

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  10. I loved it! Left me smiling. I'd love to read the book it goes into!

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  11. Very nice. i love a story that could happen to just about anyone. I'm #72

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  12. Ha ha! I love it. And yes the further I went with reading this I thought that is sooo Ryder and Victor! :) That could work nicely in the book. he he.

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  13. Excellent--I chuckled at her very embarrassing moment!

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  14. HaHaHaHa, so funny! Well written piece! I've seen a few scenes during this challenge that involved eye-candy-a$$e$! Loved it - I'm a new follower!

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  15. Ahhhhhhhh! How embarrassing for her! I thought it was great how you didn't stop at just one embarrassment - you kept tormenting the girl! Fantastic!

    I love how positive and friendly you sound - it gives such an awesome feel to your blog!

    I'm a fellow campaigner in the MG/YA category. I'm not in your group, but I wanted the fun of getting to know more writers. It's so great to meet you!

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  16. Quite clever, and different from everything else I've read today. Funny!

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  17. I giggled all the way through this! Very sweet and humorous. Nice job!

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  18. Hi, Michele,

    I'm in your Campaign group. I like your F/F. I could feel her embarrassment and the one liner from the dude was spot on. Well done.

    It's nice to meet you. I am getting around late with the intros. I was out of town for the past few weeks.

    I hope to have my entry up by tomorrow. I hope you'll stop by my blog to read it.

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  19. That was cute. I liked the dialogue. Thanks for the fun read! Mine is #138 :)

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  20. Very embarrassing..great job!

    http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

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  21. Nice work. The dialogue is really well done and I love the humor.

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  22. Love the humour in this. It's nice to read one that makes you laugh. How embarrassing!

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  23. Ahahaha! Eyes up here...I can relate to that. Nice emotion.

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  24. I'm one of your fellow campaigners, by the way. Happy to formally introduce myself!

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  25. LOL! That is an awesome piece.. you should totally use it!! You've got some serious talent :) I really enjoy reading embarrassing moments as long as it doesn't happen to me! Thanks for sharing!

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